Evening Comics Target Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Immigration Scheme

Late-night's leading hosts used their airtime criticizing President Donald Trump's recently unveiled visa initiative, labeled the "golden visa," characterizing it as a blatant cash-for-residency arrangement for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Witty Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, before giving that list to the officials at ICE," he crooned. "The President ... spoils each thing he comes into contact with."

The subject was the new program which enables overseas nationals to purchase U.S. legal status for a sum of one million dollars, or "platinum" version for five million. An official website promises processing "in record time."

"A quick message for you to rich immigrants: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also meant to "extract cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, though if you sign up, you also get free accommodation at a hotel of your selection – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he said.

"The best screening the U.S. government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these individuals absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're qualified to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Critique

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the visa program the "American Dream Express Card."

"Here's a card that will allow wealthy overseas citizens to live here," he explained. "In exchange for a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your tired masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the application, saying it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Indeed, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's simpler for a camel to go through the eye of a needle if you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Affordability Concerns

On another network, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's plunging approval numbers during economic anxiety. "The public gave Donald Trump a second term since they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a bid to discuss affordability, Trump held a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he behaved oddly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take a few of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a ages."

"He is so incredibly weird," Meyers responded. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps rather than voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy like what FIFA did," he laughed.