Take heart, fan. Ben Stokes's side could be entering the next Ashes Test now 2-0 down, yet not everyone within the England setup is deterred. There is one group ideally equipped for such a situation, a dedicated unit who consider themselves the ultimate doomsday preppers. Is optimism crushed? Are you crushed beneath the pressure of unmet expectation? In that case, join the Barmy Army.
Already, their early arrivals are descending upon Adelaide, the city where they first came together 30 years ago. England's iconic – and by headcount noisiest – away supporters will be hoping for an anniversary win-against-the-odds, similar to the one they witnessed on that historic tour. But no matter the outcome on the pitch, in the stands and bars the celebrations will be extensive and boisterous.
"The on-field action been incredibly disappointing," a veteran states, "yet we're the blessed group, because we're on holiday. It's perhaps harder for the people at home."
Even a dramatic batting collapse fails to deter this crew of seasoned campaigners. They've been enduring England's innings meltdowns since before a new generation started playing. They've observed more fielding errors than key pacemen have career scalps. Their personal stats as an Ashes touring group reads: played 37, lost 27, won 6. Those who comprehend how to endure a clean sweep, they are the original supporters.
Certainly, for viewers at home, the Barmy Army appear to be all over during this Ashes. TV directors at the grounds often appear keener to feature the Barmies than in their own fans. Sports networks often use them as atmosphere-building prelude to a day's play. Even the cricketers on the field are heralding them, as a supporter portraying a royal figure starting a chorus of a well-known tune.
One could argue that the Barmy Army's combination of history and visibility has now masked quite how remarkable their takeover of tourist following has been. Thirty years in the past a few followers were drawn together in good-natured humour about failure at England's poor away record. Today their story is so synonymous with the England cricket that their boisterous, "maverick" crowd is practically part of the furniture. They've definitely come a long way since the initial chants.
One veteran can picture the excited anticipation of the series start of that 1994-95 tour. With the hosts making a strong start, he led a six-person conga in the stands, provoking the home fans with a song about historical figures. "The Aussie fans hurled abuse at us, then threw plastic cups – the stuff that we still get today," he recalls. "However when we got back our little group of England followers had all joined in."
Following a loss, England's tour continued to struggle. Anyone travelling with the team around the country must have been slightly mad. By the time the Melbourne and Sydney matches their ranks had swelled substantially. The players, however, came to value their noise at the grounds. When England pulled off a consolation win, a team captain invited a Barmy Army figure up to the players' area to lead the festivities. This connection remains.
Additionally, the significant volume the Barmy Army can conjure are as appealing to the sport as they are to host grounds. For this series alone, their official tours will bring thousands of paying travellers. Numerous activities are scheduled for the 30th anniversary.
This is, ultimately, an entity born of cricketing passion and entrepreneurial spirit. The explanation they mark their founding to a specific Test is because that was when they started producing souvenir shirts. The limited early stock was so immediately successful – and profitable – that it sparked a thriving business. From that point, the original members have helped turn a fan community into an industry-leading travel company.
That creates its own challenges, especially at a time when sport is attempting to move beyond some of its boisterous image. The Barmy Army's management are eager to highlight that a growing percentage of their supporters on tour are now female. As norms evolve, the vocals have had to get less offensive, too. "Things that you'd say 30 years ago you can no longer say, and that's absolutely right," says a spokesperson. "We can't tell someone how to behave in their own space, but we won't support songs that are derogatory."
Will the Barmy Army evolve quietly? The demographic is now approaching the late 40s – like the original members, who have been pleased to step away from the management. One founder is enjoying this tour purely as a punter – leaving a fresh team to run the Barmy Army's social media. "You forget how hard it used to be to communicate with each other," he laughs. "We used to do it all by shouting – 'everyone's going to the pub!'"
As for the current contest, the impossible dream of a series victory persists, which is very mid-90s indeed. And if England do lose in Adelaide … well, future travels awaits.
Lena is a passionate gamer and tech writer, specializing in indie games and hardware reviews, with years of industry experience.